First Bike Ride

I have had this awesome chopper style bike for the past 7 years. It has been collecting dust in my basement for the last 6 years and 11 months ROTFL. Today I dug it out. Sprayed it off. Got air in the tires and decided to go on the first bike ride of the new me

After getting it all running again I went for what I though would be a nice easy ride. Holy crap!!!! Was my belly really this big the last time I rode this thing? Did my knees hit me in the belly this way last time? Well I was at least 30 pounds lighter then...

  I thought I would die 10 minutes in. Where is the closest shade?? Ok stop here under this nice shade tree and try not to die... Deep breaths... Deep breaths... All alone in the country. Will anyone find my fat dead body here under this tree?? So I rested a few minutes. Well ok 5 minutes. After realizing I would live I start again only to have teenagers drive by me screaming "Nice bike FATASS!!! Get out of the way!!!" Hey wait a minute I know your mom!!! Deciding since I could not feel my legs it was a not a good time to pick a fight I kept riding. By riding I really mean swerving all over the road trying to keep my bike in a straight line.  By riding I mean torture. By riding I mean thinking I would die any minute. I got a good 20 minutes of swerving, cussing and exercise before reaching the safety of my driveway. Home sweet home!!! I trek back down my driveway park my uber hot sexy bike and put down the kickstand. I go to stand up only to find my legs are a quivering mass of goo and jelly.  So I force myself off the bike and bend into my Beemer to put away my tire pump. Bad idea fat guy. Maybe if I had put any attention in math class I would have understood that mass equals force crap. But no!!!! My quivering legs are not supporting my rather large upper body at this moment. I am falling face first into the roof of my tiny Beemer!!!! Ya I caught myself no blood this time..  So before anymore bodily harm I head up the stairs to my house. Ya thats right STAIRS!!!! I looked like a 95 year old man trying to go up those stairs!! Finally in the house I am greeted by my daughter asking with a big smile if I had a nice ride??? Oh man did she see me? Did she see me look like a total dork out there on my bike??? 

I just replied my ride was awesome and walked with as much dignity as I could muster to get a drink and collapse in my chair!!!!

Moral to the story??? I will be out there again after work Monday to do it all again. People can laugh.. People can think I look stupid all they want to... I am doing this for me!!!!